The bluetooth enigma

Along with being a full time mom to a ten month old, I also deal with the operations side of our small BBQ restaurant; that includes advertising, marketing, dealing with the State, County and City.  I need my cell phone.  I've also found that I need a bluetooth; it enables me to multi-task like a lunatic escaping from the asylum (if only the City employee's knew when I was talking to them about our liquor license I was also chasing a poopy butt down the hallway of my house).  The biggest problem with my bluetooth is that annoying little blue light that flashes that my son finds to be the most ah-mazing thing he's ever seen in his little life.  The bluetooth ends up on the couch, the changing table, the clothes drier, wherever avoiding my sons chubby finger grasp, pulling it from my ear and seeing if it floats in the sea of slobber that leaks from his mouth.  I've always known the practice of leaving the bluetooth anywhere would come and bite me in the ass at some point.

Alas, one day *gasp!* I couldn't find it.  I pulled the couch apart.  I looked under the rocking chair, the stove, the fridge, EVERY WHERE and it was no where to be found.  As I'm in my desperate search, Meeka our 5 month old Schnoodle is following me around as if to say "Whatcha lookin' for?" I stared at him for a minute, finally concluding that Meeka probably ate my bluetooth.  I went three weeks without the usefulness of the brilliant contraption that made the quality of my life sooo much easier.  During this time there were numerous calls that were simply not returned and bullshitting with my friends pretty much came to a halt.  For my birthday my brilliant husband bequeathed to me a $50 gift certificate to Amazon.com which I quickly squealed in delight "YEA!! I am going to get a new bluetooth" officially waving the white flag that my bluetooth will never be found.  My husband, less enthusiastically said "You know as soon as you order a new one, the old one will turn up..."  I told him he was crazy as I quickly scanned through the thousands of bluetooth options available on Amazon with the glee of a 3 year old about to get an ice cream cone.  I finally settled on a pretty purple Plantronics bluetooth that comes with a portable charging case (that is freaking awesome).  I order it and anxiously await in anticipation for it to arrive.  In the interim, life went on as expected.  Two days after ordering, I got an email confirming the shipment of the bluetooth and clearly reading: "You cannot cancel or make changes to this order now that it has shipped..."  And then I went on the search for a teething ring for Charlie (dealing with that 8th tooths arrival).  Under the couch is always the first place I look for everything, this time was no exception, I got down on my knee's and peered under the couch pulling out a teething binky, meeka's stuffed squirrel, a large piece of popcorn and to my horror, there behind the popcorn was that damn bluetooth I had been searching for, for three weeks.  I reach and grab it, noticing the telltale bite marks that Meeka had in fact, been in contact with it; and the damn thing still worked in spite of the callus abuse it probably endured.  All I could think was "FUCK!" and then my husbands haunting prediction.  At this point in time, I had a decision to make; I could call my husband and tell him that I found the missing bluetooth so he could mercilessly tell me how he's always right (because that sounds like fun) or I could just give the bluetooth back to Meeka and let him finish the job.  Always a strong believer in completing unfinished tasks I gave the bluetooth back to Meeka.

A couple of hours later, I find the bluetooth, even more mangled than before, but still working.  At this point, I'm just pissed off.  I can make any functioning kitchen appliance spontaneously malfunction when I need said kitchen appliance to work, how is it my idiot dog cannot break the will of this bluetooth?  I finally had to take matters into my own hands.  I grabbed my meat tenderizer and went nuts.  Charlie is looking on from his walker, with a look of complete bewilderment as I'm pounding away at this bluetooth, a stream of obscenities flowing under my breath, and pieces of decidedly surrendering bluetooth flies through the air.  After a few minutes, I wipe my brow, catch my breath and observe my handiwork.  Oh yes, I finally killed it.  The bluetooth was officially dead.  And I was satisfied.  I left (what was left) of the bluetooth on the stove, much like a housecat leaving it's owners a dead field mouse, so my husband could see what the dog had done to my beloved technology.

He came home a few hours later.  Observed the bluetooth and said "Oh.  You found the bluetooth." and I said "Yep.  It was under the couch..." and he said "Ya know, it's pretty pathetic that you find it, destroy it and then blame it on the poor dog.." and left the room to go take a shower, laughing the whole way.